OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
