Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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