You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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