You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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