Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it because I queefed?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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