i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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