I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
