He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
