You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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