if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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