I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
