I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
