Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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