I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
