i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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