Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
