just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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