i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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