Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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