I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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