U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
