i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
