That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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