I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
