She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
