I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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