based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
