went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
