if i died would you start the facebook group?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She bit a glass in half.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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