Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
