the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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