I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
