You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
