Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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