Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
