You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
