Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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