Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
