why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
