So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
