She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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