She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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