I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
