I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize