where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You took a bar mat shot.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
