I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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