well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
