Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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