my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
