there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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