My hair reeks of homosexuality.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
