dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
