mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
