The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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