So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize