you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
