i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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