Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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