Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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