just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
