Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
