Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
