can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
