don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize