he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
