ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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