My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
