I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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