I'm going to rape someone's good day.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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