Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
