around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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