Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
