two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
