He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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