i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
