stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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